Santa’s ‘Elf and Safety Breaches

Santa’s ‘Elf and Safety Breaches

26th December 2016

Here at Safety Fabrications, we like to bring you all the latest news when it comes to health and safety, especially when working at height is involved.  We’ve just had some rather disturbing news about massive breaches of health and safety regulations here in the UK by somebody who has so much experience of working on roofs that he really should have known better.  Hot off the press is the story that Santa Claus was recently caught red-handed by police who were called to an address in south London in the early hours of the morning of 25th December!

Worried home-owners, Mr. and Mrs. Humbug who have four children, dialled 999 when they heard bangs and crashes coming from the roof of their property in a quiet residential area.  When police arrived at the house, they were astonished to find a portly elderly gentleman dressed all in red, scrambling around on the roof of the house and trying to climb into a disused chimney which had been blocked up many years ago when central heating was installed in the property.  When police made their presence known, the unfortunate intruder hurried behind the ridge of the roof.  As the police made their way to the back of the property, they were amazed to discover that their quarry was making a swift escape in a red sleigh pulled by a team of reindeer, the leader of which appeared to be suffering from a severe case of flu judging by the red glow being emitted by his nose.

Police called on a tactical helicopter to give chase and began to investigate the situation, safe in the knowledge that the helicopter crew would catch up with the offender and bring him to justice.  As police scoured the outside of the property involved, they discovered that there were no safety ladders used to gain access to the roof of the three storey house which is a flagrant breach of UK health and safety regulations.  This is when the Health and Safety Executive was contacted to assist with the inquiry.

In the meantime, the helicopter crew took off above the rooftops of the Capital in hot pursuit of the fleeing offender and apprehended him somewhere above the South Downs National Park.  He was duly handcuffed and had his rights read to him before being whisked away to a local police station where he was finger-printed and led away to spend the night in a cell. 

However, when officers visited the cell the next morning in order to wake the elderly miscreant, they were flabbergasted to discover that he had disappeared from the locked cell.  Further investigation of the exterior of the police station revealed hoof marks in the car park which crossed the area and then seemed to vanish without trace, as if whatever made them just disappeared into thin air or took flight. 

A police spokesman has divulged that the elderly offender had given an address in the North Pole and the UK government is now in talks with the government of the North Pole in a bid to extradite the guilty party to the UK to face charges which include attempted breaking and entry, massive breaches of the Work at Height Regulations 2005 (WAHR) and forcing staff to work whilst clearly unwell and contagious.  We will keep our readers updated with further developments on this story as they occur.